I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
