I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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