he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
