she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
