My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
