I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
