Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
