i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
