This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
