I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
