im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
