he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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