Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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