i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
