Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
