Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
