Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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