She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
