you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
