Say something about gay babies.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
