I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
