I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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