I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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