Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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