i will never coherently bang her
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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