Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
