I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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