I want to walk on stilts...naked
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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