Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dick very happy bro
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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