I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i now understand why vodka
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
