When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
