So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you made out with another girl for some wings
The power of my boobs compel you
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
