a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
