seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
