it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
