he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
