I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
