I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
