i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
