It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
