I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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