So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
