Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
