Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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