dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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