Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
