I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
