then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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