I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
