We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
